The Sirens And Spoiler Play Uno
by J.A.Phillips
Summary: One night, Spoiler decides to join the Gotham City Sirens for some shenanigans. However, of all the ways she expected this night to play out, this might've been the last one she could've ever thought of. Rated M for language and some suggestive themes.


_**DISCLAIMER:**_ I do not own any of the characters in this fic. Poison Ivy was created by Robert Kanigher and Sheldon Moldoff. Harley Quinn was created by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm. Catwoman was created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger. Spoiler was created by Chuck Dixon and Tom Lyle. Uno was developed Merle Robbins and is currently owned by Mattel.

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Stephanie Brown gulped hard as she looked around the table. How she'd let Selina talk her into joining her, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn for a night was beyond her, but then, after pretty much telling Batman what he could go do with himself, her list of people to talk to was now considerably shorter. However, of all the things she expected to have happen tonight, hanging out with the infamous Gotham City Sirens, this was probably the last thing on her mind. That said, what really WERE the odds that Harley had a massive deck of Uno cards just sitting around in her closet?

 _At least we're not playing STRIP Uno,_ Spoiler considered, looking over her cards. Truth be told, though, Harley had actually suggested strip poker early on, and then later a strip variation of Uno, but she was vetoed on the grounds of Stephanie being too nervous to play either, and that the latter would take, in Catwoman's exact words, "For-fucking-ever." Despite that, while Steph was off the hook from having to bare it all, she had a whole new reason to be nervous.

"Oh, _Selina~!_ " Harleen said in a sing-song tone, throwing down a green 7.

"NO!" Gotham's ace cat burglar screamed, slamming her cards down on the table. "Every Goddamned time I get down to less than four cards, you throw down a fucking 7! You're hoarding them, aren't you?!"

Harley just smiled innocently, swapping her six cards for Catwoman's three before gesturing to her sleeveless top. "I dunno what yer talkin' 'bout! I don't even have sleeves to hide cards in!"

"Maybe you're hiding them in your bra," Selina accused before tossing a green 4 down on the pile. "Pam, you wanna frisk her? See if she's using some kind of sleight-of-hand trick?"

"I am NOT frisking anyone for hidden cards," Dr. Isley replied, gloomily looking at her hand of eight cards. "...Although, if my hand doesn't get any better soon..."

"It's your fault for not callin' 'Uno', Red," Harleen retorted.

"I still don't understand why I need to say 'one' in Spanish," Ivy insisted, slightly annoyed.

"I don't know why YOU'RE complaining..." Spoiler moaned, grabbing one of her twelve cards and throwing down a green Reverse, switching the order of the table to clockwise and making Miss Kyle go next. "You're not the one with so many cards that she needs to hold them in two hands."

"Ugh, WHY?!" Selina cried, continuously drawing an astonishing SIX new cards and cursing with each one until she finally drew a Wild card. "THERE! Red, as in what I'm gonna draw from you the next time you throw down a 7, Quinzel!"

"Wow, temper temper!" Harley exclaimed with a smile so wide it looked like it'd rip her cheeks open, all the while tossing down a red 5. "Man, look at you: Cheeks all red, eyes buggin' out, vein poppin' outta yer forehead. Yer sexy when yer angry."

"Only when she's angry?" Steph muttered before her face turned bright red, realizing what she'd just let slip from her lips. "...Um, sorry, just felt like beating her to the punch."

"Uh-huh," Pamela replied with a smile that made it clear she didn't believe a word of that before tossing down a red 7. "Harleen, I think I'll have those cards now."

"Aww, PAAAAAM, I was so close to winning!" the former Arkham psychiatrist whined as she swapped hands with her red-haired lover. "I only had two cards!"

"Not so funny now, is it, Harleen?" Selina asked, her enraged look replaced with a Cheshire Cat smile.

"You realize we've been playing for an hour and haven't gotten past the opening round?" Spoiler pointed out, drawing and tossing down a red 2.

"Yeah, we need to pick a different game after this," Catwoman acknowledged, practically flinging a blue 2 down on table. "Otherwise, we're never leaving this table."

Harley frowned sadly before perking up slightly. "...Oh hey, I think I have Monopol-"

" ** _NO!_** " everyone else roared, flames burning in their eyes.

"Harley, if you break out Monopoly, I swear, you are sleeping on the couch tonight," Pamela threatened.

"...Yer gonna make me sleep on MY couch in MY pad?" Quinn asked, baffled by this statement as she tossed down a blue 6.

"YES," Ivy insisted, picking a yellow 6 from her hand before looking around the table. "...So I say 'Uno', right?" Everyone nodded, to which the redhead placed her card down. "Uno."

Stephanie groaned at the yellow 6 on top of the pile. "Harley, do you remember what the last card in her hand is?"

"Nooo..." Harleen moaned pathetically. "Pretty sure it's yellow, though..."

"Dammit," the youngest woman at the table cursed as she tossed down a yellow 1.

"Well, I hate to have to do this, but..." Selina started to say before putting down a yellow 0.

Ivy blinked, confused at first as Selina and Harley started snickering nervously, and Stephanie looked like she'd been sent in front of a firing squad. "What...what? What just happened?"

"She played a 0," Steph explained.

"...And?" Pamela inquired.

"It means...we all have to give our cards to the next person in order..." Spoiler finished, slinking down in her seat. "Which means you need to give your card to...me."

At this point, Stephanie Brown was certain she was starring into the eyes of an angry and vengeful Goddess, ready to strike down upon all those present with righteous indignation. Ivy's eyes just kept darting between each of the girls sitting around her and her single card, the one card she had that had assured her victory in the game that seemingly refused to end up until now. As calmly as possible, she stood up, took in a deep breath, and did something that none of the others had ever, or would ever, see her do again in their lives.

"...I will murder each and every one of you callous sadists with all of my hate," Pamela declared as the others could've sworn her eyes were turning red, "and leave your corpses unrecognizable to the authorities...!"

Everyone just sat wide-eyed in shock as Ivy stood seething in rage, Harley whispering to Selina and Stephanie "...Bet'cha wish we'd played strip poker now, huh?"

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 _ **AUTHOR'S NOTES:**_ Just something quick and funny I felt like putting together after watching Achievement Hunter's Uno: The Movie. Almost like I was trying to decide in my head which one would lose their mind first. lol Hope you enjoyed. Ja né!


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